"Truth chooses Silence to convey her meaning to loving souls."

It's quiet here today. That is a fact that saddens me. That is a fact to make me rejoice. The rest of the state of NE is watching the NU-OU football game. It is not pretty sight as they wind their way through the 3rd quarter, and the Huskers are losing 30-0. Being from NE you can't help but become slightly invested in Husker football. For some people is it more than slightly it is bordering on a fetish and/or an obssession. It is sad in many ways that so many people literarlly live and die by a game. But I suppose it is better to live and die by a college game than a professional game (baseball being the one exception I can think of!). My parents are still out of town. I worked this morning (2-10am) and returned home to sleep until about 4pm.

The silence in the house was nearly palpable. I've found myself having to fill up the silence with noise. I can just hear what Henri Nouwen would say to that. Noise tends to drown out the whispers of God (I'm more than embellishing). And of course Kahlil Gibran insists on Truth in Silence. So what Truth in my missing when I watch Lost and Friends? Far too often I find myself alone, and it makes me sad. Alone w/ one's thoughts and ideas can cause a person to go insane. And for some reason, today, I find myself wanting to be around people. Wanting to talk to people. Wanting to connect. But live is not w/out its paradox. I just returned home from my cousin. Dave turned 40 and his wife through him a surprise party. A pretty unconventional surprise party at that. He knew a few close friends were coming over to watch the game, but suddenly more and more people kept showing up. The surprise was the number, not the event itself. Of course, I really only knew my cousin, my aunt and uncle and a few of my cousin's wife's family. I was lost amongst these people 10-15 years older than myself or 10-15 years younger than myself. It seemed to lack that connection quality I was looking for, so I have returned home. I have the game on, mute, and occassionaly I flip back and forth between that and Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Sarah's out having fun w/ a friend of her's, so she is not answering her phone. And I wuld like to talk to her because I'm trying to spruce up my blog a bit! :) And I know Molly and Brian are off somewhere; watching the game.

I was looking for a quote for my title and found some stuff Gibran wrote about love, but I really wasn't in a mood for that, so I opted for something else. And also probably more apropos, considering my luck w/ women lately. I think I'm a pretty great guy. Very good b/f material if you ask me. And yet... the women I find myself attracted to and or eventually date seem to hurt me to my core.

I've got a gripe about Heather I need to get out. I met Heather a couple months ago when she tagged along w/ Christian - from BS - to play v-ball. I asked Heather out for coffee, even though I don't like coffee. At the time she said she was very busy and to ask later, so two weeks later I did. She also used the words "definitetly" and "yes" that first time. The second time she again told me to ask later, so I did the following week. And that was when she turned me down. She mentioned you respected me and was flattered but she was afraid dating and guys would be too distracting for other things (she was refering to her walk w/ Christ - language I find myself uncomfortable w/ but I understand what she is saying, so....). She also mentioned she had found herself distracted this summer. Well... mostly, I've moved on. It wasn't a huge deal. I was just trying to put myself out there a little more than I usually do. It hasn't been easy still seeing her. I usually don't go out of my way to chat w/ her but if she strikes up a conversation. Well, anyway... last time made me upset and I really started to lose respect for her as a person.

Last night a few of us - Brian, Molly, Jen, Laurie and myself, went to bowl. We actually ending bowling at a place called Cougar Lanes, where Brian's parents and my parents would bowl on Sunday nights - in their church league. It was a lot of fun actually, back then. And even more fun last night. First, Brian had us pick bowling names. I was "Sly." We bowled 2 games and my first game I blew the others away w/ a 174. Definitely one of my better scores. I have yet to break 200. Someday. Molly and Jen bowled well that first game too (both breaking 100), but Laurie and Brian didn't break 100. The second game I did worse, bowling a 147, and everyone else did better. Afterwards we ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings. I had never been before. I ordered a nice Killian's Red and nachos. Brian and Molly later orders some wings and shared one w/ me. I definitely will have to go back. I was a little frustrated by the smoke in the air, especially at the bowling alley. I'm still trying to air out the smell. While there, Heather showed up and joined us. And she was w/ a guy. They had just seen a movie. And it was pretty obvious to me they were on a date. According to Jen and Laurie, they definitely were. I wasn't so much bothered by her presence, and that of her date, as much as I was pissed off by the wrongness of it. She was on a date, after she told me she didn't want to get "distracted" by guys. And there seemed to me no remorse for what she did. I'm not interested in her at all anymore, I'm just annoyed by the whole thing. And suddenly I am reminded of something Lauren told me after she broke up w/ me. That she wasn't ready to date guys, that she wasn't in that place, but less than a month later she called to be "up front" w/ me and tell me she was kind of seeing someone. Am I doing something wrong? I keep hearing that girls like the bad guys when they are younger but settle w/ the good guys. I'm a good guy. What' s up?

I shall stop grousing because all this take and self-analysis and what happens in Silence. It appears that I cannot handle the Truth! :) Besides, a little Friends for distraction isn't a bad thing at all.