"...see, hear, and am silent."

We all know what today is: Election Day. The media keeps clamouring that this is the most important election in recent history. And they’ve been talking about record voter turnout for this election, at least since the 1974. Good! But as my pastor said in his sermon Sunday, even an 80% turnout is sad considering how much of the world doesn’t get a say in their political leaders. Have we forgotten what it means to be a truly democratic nation?

Of course, one should remember we are not a pure democracy. After all, the election will be decided by the Electoral College not us. I appreciate what the Founders did, but in many ways this Electoral College thing is a complete joke.

I’ve absconded to my room; if for no other reason than to not be in the same room as my family as the election results roll in. They voted for Bush; I for Kerry. My sister assures me she will not hold it against me. And I think my parents will agree, but that hasn’t stopped the subtle and constant political talk around the dinner table. And the inward cringing I’ve been feeling ever since I returned to Omaha. I can sense how divisive differing political views can be. I was sensing it tonight at my Young Adult Bible Study. I didn’t come out and say, “I voted for Kerry” nor did anyone explicitly say, “I voted for Bush” but the tenor of the comments, and what I’ve inferred from talking with my friends and family is that I am in the minority. And all I’ve wanted to do is shut up and not talk about it because I don’t expect them to change their minds, and I don’t expect my mind to be changed. So why get into an argument?

I woke up earlier than normal for me this morning. I was having some unusual dreams involving being chased by someone, running through a mall and supermarket with my parents and finally hiding behind a bush while my father gave me a dark gray stone with markings on it. It had a vague resemblance to this paperweight my parents once gave me. All the while, my mind was waking up and I realized I needed to get to the polling place. I got there and promptly stood in line. Thankfully, at 9:15am, the line was not long. I was in and out in less than 15 mins, on my way to work, with my “I voted today” sticker firmly attached to my shirt. The rest of the day was mainly unremarkable. I had lunch at this new place called CiCi’s Pizza. Not bad. And a great price for a buffet - $3.99. I had pizza again tonight, but really – who can ever have enough pizza? I managed to sneak away to Best Buy to purchase Season 3 of The West Wing – a political drama I could really get behind. At least in that fictional world, the idealism and élan I seek in this world exists.

I watched The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’s live, hour-long special. Pretty funny, but I really enjoyed some of their stuff last week. Especially with the Boston Red Sox! I’ve truly become a big fan of that show. Stewart is an amazingly articulate and intelligent man and I have a great respect for him.

There are things other than election results to think about today.

I happen to dislike Nov 2. I know I shouldn’t linger on this point, but in a conversation with my friend Sarah, it became clear that 1) This date matters to me, and 2) This date means nothing to me, anymore. Two years ago, I had my first real conversation with this girl and romance ensued before the nasty break-up and post-relationship angst. To put it simply: she broke my heart. It really has taken a great effort to move beyond that. And for a guy who lives, relives and re-relives events, it isn’t easy. Combine that w/ my freakish memory and well… you get the picture. Talking about her has become a crutch of sorts for me. I was IM’ing Sarah and I called it an “excuse.” I don’t think I fully understood what I was saying at the time, but often times truth can creep up on you like that.

I can’t say I’m annoyed and frustrated by being single, because to be honest, I don’t really think about it all that much. Sure, I asked a girl out and got turned down. That hurt. And I probably played the “sympathy” card a couple times, but it doesn’t really consume me. So it’s not being single or not being in a relationship that irks me. And it isn’t the loneliness factor; for much the same reason. I don’t dwell on it. And yet, I have noticed how disconnected I am to people I once was really close with. People I talked to on a regular basis, I seldom talk to and I am finding harder and harder to relate to them. But I don’t deny there are moments when I acutely feel lonely. I guess, as with others, it comes when I watch my cousin and his fiancée and realize how much I want that. Sarah blames it on the holidays. I blame it on the media. But whatever the reason, I am still left wondering, how I – prime b/f material according to several female friends – could possibly remain single.

I guess there are still mysteries in the world. And I suspect that is a very good thing!

And now I suspect I have said more than enough for one evening. Plus, I want to pay some more attention to the election results. I wish I was back in DC at some friends place watching this happen and sharing in the moment - likely with a great amount of alcohol to aid in our jubilation or sorrow.

I join with Walt Whitman, sitting and watching the sorrows of the world. But unlike him, I hope not to see, hear and remain silent but to do something.