copenhagen train station II

here i am again. more tired than ever. my feet ache! spent 9 hours setting up the exhibit. i will not go into the gory details, but this was the worst experience for setting up because of the lack of help, language barrier, missing tools and equipment and several pieces needing to be repaired, replaced or removed!

i didn't get shopping done last night because it was too late for most places. i agreed to stop by the church thursday but i plan to spend the day seeing the sights in town. no legoland visit for me. i swung by the parliment building and the stock exchange. quite impressive. everything here looks a little like london's younger cousin. it's cool, but i imagine london to be more impressive. but i am still loving it here. going to get some dinner now and then off to the hotel. not much to do at night unless i wanted to visit a couple strip clubs or dance places. not my scene! tomorrow i plan to visit the queen's palace. do some last minute souvenir shopping. stop by the city musuem where they have a display on kierkegaard (saw a nice bronze statue of him today), an art museum and maybe cross over into sweden. i did swing by a sweater market. the norwegian sweaters are more expensive here than back in the states! everything appears to be a little pricey.

oh well... i think that's all for now.

copenhagen train station

i'm sitting at a internet place in the train station. the rate for using the internet is much more reasonable here than at the hotel. i still hope to find a place where i can use my own laptop.

a couple quick observations about copenhagen... there are a great many bicycles all over the place. i am quite impressed. i wish i would see that more often in the states. actually, parts of downtown are for pedestrain use only. cars are only allowed for deliveries and emergencies. since i have not been to the suburbs i don't know what it is like there. they also have a city bike program. you insert a 20 kroner in the machine and get a bike. when you return it to another machine you get your 20 kroner back. i haven't tried yet, but i would like to.

most people here speak english so it is easy to get around and navigate. although i wish i knew a little danish. it's easier to find places and talk to people here than in greece, but i had some idea of vocab in greece which helped. so i guess it's a toss up.

after i finished writing yesterday i walked north and visited another church, the marble church (keyboards are diff. here so i am using all lowercase). that was quite impressive. and there were statues of luther and kierkegaard outside. i also walked by some nice fountains near churchhill park and, of course, the little mermaid statue. what a waste! i got back to the hotel for my mtg. it went well, but lots of translation. someone from denmark is overseeing the exhibition, and he speaks danish, english and germany. someone from germany came up for the exhibit but he doesn't speak danish or english, and i don't speak danish or german! we had a beer later and i returned to the hotel. my feet were sore. it turns out there is maybe 5 hours of night here. my sleep kept getting interrupted.

today i did some shopping in the AM. then went to saint peter's church, a german church in the middle of copenhagen. had some lunch and supervised as professionals unloaded. tomorrow we'll set up the exhibit so it doesn't look like i'll be going to legoland. still some stuff to see in copenhagen. we'll see how i feel tomorrow. going to do some more shopping tonight. had dinner at hard rock. been craving something american. i like to mix it up, something danish w/ something non-danish.

k... that's all for now. later!

hotel maritime. copenhagen.

i have like 5 mins to post. interesting first day in town. i didn't sleep well. woke up around 6am because of noise in street outside window. of course my watch is broke so i had no idea what the actual time was. and turns out my laptop doesn't like my power adapter. working on it. had a quick breakfast and went for a walk down the stroget. stopped at a couple interesting museums and churches before wandering to find a place for lunch. it's after 3 right now and i am meeting with some people at 6. i need to go back to my room and check on some things before i head out again.

i'm loving copenhagen. i just wish i had someone here with whom i could share the time.

i promise more later!

Amsterdam Airport. It all looks like the US!

I know it has been a while since I posted on here. I know my friends completely understand. Since I'm traveling overseas right now I figured this would be a good way for people to hear about my trip, as it is happening. I am sitting in a cybercafe (communication centre) at the Amsterdam airport. It's around 1pm local time, just before 6am back in Omaha. I am tired. And I have a bad ache in my neck. I tried to sleep on the flight across the pond, and I think I managed to doze off for a little while but I had a few problems along the way.

The day started okay, I guess. I woke up from a 4 hour nap and got everything ready. I was feeling a little anxious about everything because the whol trip felt rushed. Mom took me to the airport and just getting there helped calm me some until I walked inside and found a huge line for the ticket counter. It was about 1/4 the length of the concourse. I ended up standing in line for 2 hours. There was some kind of delay in Detriot and Memphis so they were rerouting almost everyone. I ended up on a 6:30 flight to Minneapolis instead of my 4:55 flight to Detroit. From the Cities I caught a 9:15 flight to Amsterdam, landing just before noon, local time. The flight wasn't bad. I was stuck in the 2nd to last row of the plan but that was close to the lavatories. I didn't get an aisle seat like I was originally supposed to and the woman on the aisle was a French speaking elderly woman and could not stay in place. I tried to speak with her but my French was just way too rusted. To my other side was a married couple, both in the Army. Chris offered me some free, unsolicited advice about visiting some brothels in Frankfurt and trying to get to the upper floors. Anyway... here I am waiting for my connecting flight to Copenhagen. Exhausted!

I'm starting to get excited about the whole thing. Now I just have to get some food before my flight. Looks like a BK is nearby. One of the last places for American "civilization" I suppose. :)

Alright... I'm about to end my available purchased time. So until later... somebody send me some extra sleep!

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going."

I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of being pushed to the side. I’m afraid of living a life and having no one or nothing around to testify to the fact that I lived. I am terrified of not living and yet, but more terrified of living but not living well, not living right. I look around me for someone to really talk with and I find people busy. I find people who scare me. I find myself scared of being open w/ another person. I find myself hiding in the darkness of my soul. The irony being that this dark night in my soul is the place where God's true light shines. And yet I run afraid from the light because I have grown accustomed to the darkness. I seek solitude to understand and then fill up my silences w/ emptiness, instead. The emptiness that comes from this world. I read about Thomas Merton and who he was and who interacted w/ him and I fear I will never be great. And I want to be great. I want to be known. I want to be loved. Is that really too much to be asked? This is what scares me when I heard Lauren is engaged. This is what frightens me when my friends can offer me nothing more than “maybe you should see a counselor again.” This is what frightens me when whatever counter-argument I think of merely confirms their suggestion. So I seek counsel in the words of spiritual mentors. But shouldn’t I be seeking guidance from the source not the stream broken off from the source. I am lost. I am alone. I am confused. “Get help.” “I can’t help you. Only you can help yourself.” “Seek counsel.” “All I can provide you is advice.” “Get laid.” “Move out.” “Be gentle.” Where is the truth behind the clichés? Where is the power behind the platitudes? Why do I lash out, why do we lash out, at that which is closest to us? Where is the comfort in words? Where is the comfort in the distant arms of friends? Where is the possibility for openness with family? Where is the chance of being real with coworkers and people who inhabit my daily life?

A Brief Christmas Mesage

This carrier at work asked me the other day, half-joking of course, if I would be giving a sermon on Saturday morning. As I thought about it some, i realized it wasn't a bad idea. While out delivering papers yesterday I came up with an idea of how to connect the Christmas story to newspaper carriers. I am not sure if it quite works but this afternoon I wrote out a brief message. It would probably last no longer than Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. I thought I would share it with you all.

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Today is Christmas! For most people it really isn’t all that different from any other day of the week. There is nothing magical that happens at midnight to set apart this holy day from any other. And for many of us here today, our Christmas Day begins merely as an extension of Christmas Eve. The thing of it is that was how the first Christmas started too.

We all know the story so well that we could repeat it to countless others, and yet, it think we all secretly love to hear it again, hoping to discover something new in the text. We know Mary and Joseph were on their way to a small town and that upon their arrival they couldn’t find a place to stay in the inn so they ended up sleeping in a stable. It was the middle of the night when Jesus was born. Somewhere between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day Christ came into the world.

And the only people awake at that time of night were shepherds. They were nothing special. In fact, of all the people in the world to first receive the Gospel message, the Good News, it was lowly shepherds who were working through the night, away from their family and friends. It likely got rather cold during the night, and their vigil over their herds was one often unremarked upon. That was, unless something went wrong. And yet, it was to these shepherds that the angels first announced the birth of the baby Jesus. It wasn’t the King in Jerusalem, the Emperor in Rome, or the President in the White House who received the message first. It wasn’t the tax collectors and religious leaders of Israel or the CEOs of corporations who received the message first. It was a carpenter and his wife, a few solitary shepherds, night attendants at gas stations and newspaper carriers who first heard the Good News.

As we wait her this evening for the news of the day to arrive, we remember that as carriers we receive the news first. And our job is to get the news to others. As Christians our job is no different. In fact, most Christians could learn a thing from newspaper carriers about how to deliver the news. But the news we Christians need to pass on is not the news of the day. No. It is the Good News, the Gospel of Jesus. As Isaiah reminds us, a great light has been shed upon the people and that light is the Light of the World. That light is also the grace of God, our salvation. So as we go forth from this place this evening, bearing the news of the world, like Santa bears his gifts, we too bring Christ into the world. We deliver the Good News to all people, not just those customers who paid to receive it. We deliver the Good News in a fashion so that all can hear and understand, not just to a specific location. And we deliver the Good News simply and unadorned because there is no need for gift wraps.

As we all go forth from this place this Christmas Day let us remember that the Good News came first to those who kept vigil in the night. It came first to those who were not the powerful in the world. And that we too can be bearers of this Good News to others. Merry Christmas one and all.

"If you want to love God in truth, you must show it gladly, adoringly letting yourself be totally shatted by God."

I’ve been too much in my head these days and too little in the world. I marvel that this world is a physical construct and not some perceived reality, understood and categorized by the intellect and yet – I live within myself. Someone once wrote that the self is a world unto itself. Star Trek proclaimed that space was the final frontier. Others have argued that there are so many unexplored phenomenons on this world, why should we go looking outside of it. But do we truly understand ourselves. “Know thyself!” I spend too much time inside and not enough time outside but do I know myself any better than anyone else. The sad truth of the matter is the answer is “no.”

I can’t believe Christmas is at the end of the week. My parents kept telling me it would feel less like Christmas each year, until I have kids of my own again and that’ll last until they are old enough to have it not feel like Christmas. I work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. That is nothing new. I’ve done it before. And it certainly isn’t the reason this year doesn’t feel like Christmas. Something is missing. Two years ago it felt like Christmas. It wasn’t Lauren. It was having someone in my life to share that moment, to see things anew (even if she wasn’t here in person). I joked with my parents last spring that we should celebrate Christmas in Boston. I’m not there so things didn’t quite work out, but I still dream of it or next year. Christmas 2005 in Boston. It would be new and different. It’s not that I dislike tradition, because I love tradition, but there are so many things with the family right now that seem to really interfere with the spirit of Christmas.

Even as I write those words it sounds kind of “hokey” and not incredibly original. I was skimming though The Pocket Muse and it suggested I true writing about a sappy event (ie-Christmas) but without using traditional or familiar clichés (ie-chestnuts). I so want to write. All I’ve been thinking about this weekend is writing. Everywhere I go something writing related comes up and then I sit in front of my laptop and draw a blank. I don’t know where to begin. I’m scared. Terrified. I’m a planner and starting something like this without a clear idea of where I’m going… well, it is not something I want to try but sometime I’m going to have to just do it. I guess I just want to write it and be done with it because I know how excruciating the editing process it. I wrote something years ago and spent 4 years, off-and-on, editing the work and in the end I decided I need to start from scratch. So much of my life went into that story and naught has come of it but a headache and something off a learning experience. Kierkegaard has been on my mind lately and I am somewhat immersing myself in his writings. I’m working my way through Fear and Trembling and a collection of his writings, mostly excerpts and aphorisms. All because I want to write a comic book inspired by his interpretation of the Akeda. A comic book, of all mediums! I sat in church yesterday and spent most of the sermon brainstorming. Worship can be so many things, but a place to brainstorm about a story not even related at all to the sermon preached? Granted, I was thinking about faith, but still. SK talks about three stages in life: aesthetic, ethical and religious. It scares me to think I am trapped in the ethical stage, never able to make that leap across the Nietzschean abyss to the religious. Or perhaps it is the Kazantzakian abyss. Is there a difference?

I couldn’t quite explain why, but I hated being at work today and the littlest things annoyed me. I was upset w/ a fellow supervisor for the smallest slights, and he wasn’t even there to defend himself. The sometime jerk that I share my cubicle with said several things that made me want to throttle him a couple times. And I’m not a violent man. I know Mel, I should leave this job. I was sitting around this afternoon (Les called it a part-time job and he is so right so why do I stress so) and I realized I wanted a little project. It is good for me to have a little project to work on, something to engage my mind. And so I created something for myself. I complain about the difficulties, but in actuality I crave this because it is only then when I am fully engaged in this job and it comes close to fulfillment. I was watching Before Sunset tonight. Not a great movie but something is so intriguing about the story and the simplicity and honesty of it. And there was so much about romanticism and love that resonated with me.

I want to create my own holiday traditions. I want to experience Christmas anew. And for some reason it is locked in my head that the only way to do that is through a relationship with someone else. But that is nowhere to be found. I’ve got to move to Boston. Or anywhere. If I don’t leave here by this time next year, I fear I’ll die a little inside. Kristine, I managed to get out of the house for 4 hours Saturday afternoon. I went to get a Secret Santa gift for work, wandered around B&N and Borders – and stopped at work for a while. When I returned home I felt so incredibly bored and alone. Books and movies failed to fully engage me. Stepford Wives was okay but not great. I, Robot was better than I hoped but still a little too actiony for an Asimov adaptation. Friday I saw Lemony Snicket’s with Brian and Molly. That was really, surprisingly good, but getting drinks afterwards I started to feel like a 3rd Wheel. Not there fault. Why do I feel like I need such a clean break with my current life? Is it the cowards way out to seek something new rather than stick around and fix the old? Wow, what strange imagery to use to describe family traditions. Luther didn’t want to leave the Catholic church, he wanted to reform it. Families are sometimes more intractable than religious institutions. Sometimes. How incredibly selfish this all sounds. If you don't want to keep reading this, I don't blame you in the least. Although thoughts to the contrary would be welcome.